A reminder to myself 

In all religons and faith your truth is the truth.

So basically God being the magnificent faithful God he is. Slapped me with some hard truths and those hard truths were basically me….

I remember  when I first became a christian 3 years ago. I was on fire I mean I had searched my entire life for this book….. this Bible. What I know now is that I had been searching for unconditional love. And that book is full of it. Love. Hope. Death. Redemption. Repentance. Sin. Faith. Honor. Creation. 

That feeling that I had when i read the Bible. Had never happened before and it took over my life. That text hugs me! Literally I can feel it. The words pop out each one so powerful and important. The guidance I’d longed for.

Goals. Hope. Validation!!!

My Bible was always out. It took over my life. Joy Peace Happiness Contentment. Forgiveness. Worth. Confidence. Good fruit! 

Hope!!! Was a new feeling and by far my favorite. So I read daily, devotionals,  I journaled a colorful bible. I passed OK baggies full of supplies in hopes others would get this amazing stuff I got out of Bible Journaling.

 I watched preachers every mornin I listened to only worship music. 

All of it was great but there is no substitute for the Word. Nothing else can do the trick it’s the actual revelation God gives your personally that keeps you walking with Him and renews your mind. ……..

Thats what changes you, your actions, words lifestyle, and demeanor. That’s how you grow.

Sermons are great but. Nothing compares to personal relationship with that text.I believe each time I read the Bible God reveals somthin new to me. Over and over. 

Only you can be honest with yourself to actually change your self. You daily actions. 

The preacher can call you out and step on your toes every week. But if your not physically opening that good book and processing the text with your own heart soul and holy spirit. 

It doesn’t work !!!

Trust me!

And I thought because I read it so much for a spurt I was good for a while 

WRONG!!!!! 

We were made for 24 hours at a time.

 Daily bread!!  

We are to strap up every single day I’m Gods armor.

****Now here’s that bad part****

. I haven’t read my Bible in 5 months …….

One day i got a text from Someone I WANT MORE THAN ANYTHING  TO impress. (Note: i want to impress nkt God wants me too) Summing it up briefly it explain that when I posted about God ALL THE TIME. I looked like I was trying too hard. Like I was just doing it to look good and that I needed to calm it down. With all the God stuff. 

-Don’t talk about God so much, you look like your trying to impress Facebook. 

So I stopped.

5 months ago. I got to thinking man, I didn’t mean to be fake. Maybe I’m not represting God properly. Because I have flaws. 

Or maybe this person will approve of me… if I prove to them I am a good Mom and Wife on my own without God. With out the constant God stuff. After all only weak people call on God all day, right??? 

Slowly but surely early morning Facebook and DVR shows took over my early mornings, bible journaling lost it’s fun with no one to share it with, all in all my mind in general just deminished. And then…

My life, attitude, outlook, anger, resentment, insecrucities all of it was back. 

Guilt and shame then began to enter the picture from all the wrong thoughts, words and actions. 

People would say “I can’t believe she’s  acting that way. Isn’t she supposed to be a Christian women ??”

Hmmmm, maybe their right I’m really not.? I can be so awful… Wait.. …am I a christian?

  

5 months. Five short months and my brain was worldly as it gets. 

Lies become the truth when you stop read in your Bible. Without the Truth newly planted in my mind. I was leaving room for the Enemies lies. And believing them. 

Angry, poud, and sinking fast……

I was seeking approval from the person that sent me the text message. Meanwhile, they got offended over some meme that wasn’t about them at all  and unfollowed & unfriended me months ago. So basically I turned away from God to gain the earthly approval of someone who wasn’t even watching!!!!!!!

To not look like I was trying to hard. To impress!

Hind sight is 20\20 I know now through lots of prayer and repentance that was my opportunity to tell the gospel to that person. And I failed.

I should have stood up to my truth, my savior that sent his only son to die for my sins. So that I could bought with his blood. 


I allowed the earthly approval of one person to make me deny my God. My joy my hope my peace.  

God is merciful with me his hand is always on me. I feel so blessed to not have anything really to rely on but my Bible. Its never gonna change its always full of wisdom love knowledge guidance and hope. 

If I would just open it………

And I have a bigger confession: I  post about God all day because I need HIM ALL DAY. that’s right ever moment of every day I’m so weak and dumb that I call on God to go before me.  A million trillion times a day.  I talk and listen for Him and it makes me happy it gives me peace! He’s always so good!

Im not always that good like Him So I guess I can’t do it without Him because he is always good and on time. 

This whole thing was very humbling, and rewarding, and hard. I’m not as great as I think I am. And that’s OK! I don’t have to be. I’ve got someone to impress…..

And he loves me because he made me and he doesn’t make mistakes.

 But I make mistakes. Sometimes. Yup, That’s how awful I am that foul language inappropriate comments and judgement cross my mind. All day! And I have to battle them with scripture. 

And take thoughts captive constantly that are fleeting. So much that I read my Bible to renew my mind. 

I don’t share on Facebook God work in my life so that I don’t look so bad. In fact I share it because  I did not know of this until I was 29 years old.

 I think of all the people out there that don’t get In a relationship with God because they sin.

It kills my soul.

I thought that too for so long!

 Like how could someone like me talk about God or testify for him.  Or talk to Him. 

And that’s how Satan keeps you!

Shame & guilt and *other peoples opinions.

So many people run from “Church people” because they  are ashamed or embarrassed of something they’ve done.  Or see themselves as not wanted because they drink, smoke, gamble, cheat, lie, or whatever creams your Twinkie. And you be right some of them don’t. Never have never will! 

They have been fortunate enough to have saturated enough TRUTH into the minds growing up. Being drug to church so that they were prepared for the enemies attack. Firmly planted on that Bible with an understanding of grace. Allowing christian children to grow in love.

But I long to be righteous like them to walk with God and obey all the rules with self discipline and handle all situations with love and grace. To be calm and confident to walk in light 24\7! 

so as uncomfortable as I do feel at times. I stay. I go back. I fall off. And I go back again. Because my Bible tells me that Church is a hospital that a person is CHANGED BY God’s WORD and the prayers of his people. I’m nothing like them, sure, but I wanna be that’s why I’m there. 

**if the pew were filled with all misfits, criminals and outcast I feel like Jesus would preach there do the miricles there.**

Stop caring about what an earthly approval of us is and worry about God. Worship God. Satan thrives on shame and guilt.  He kept me for years wit just the thought of, “church people will never approve of you!” 

Lie!!!! The devil is a lie!!!!!

Take your hung over tail to church this Sunday! Not because your perfect or good but because GOD IS!!! 

When I stopped read in my Bible all day every day I gained a FALSE sense of security, a false confidence  that somehow I was stronger because I was doing it on my own. 

That’s what I want right for everyone to think I’m a good and responsible person. That’s not weak, fake, or flawed.

Wrong!! I don’t give a flying flip.

 One thing I’ve learned through my ups and downs people don’t know squat. I’ve been patted on the back for “doing good” when I was anything but I’ve been ridiculed, accused, and punished the most when I was living righteous. I’ve been honest and had every ounce of it used against me! I’ve lied and fooled the world. We as people will always fell that’s why he sent Jesus. 

Because weak and broken people like me can’t do it: we don’t know everything, have a fortune, involved parents or a inherantence. All we have that book. Those scriptures, those Words of Life !

That Bible , that God! So at the risk of looking like I’m trying to hard. I’m gonna post talk, tweet share and brag about my God.

And all the wonderful things he does morning noon and night! 

And I’m still gonna be a sinner, a human, and a Christian.  

I apologized to my God repeatedly for abandoning Him! 

He never stopped being good. 

He didn’t failed me by putting my light out I denied the God that saved my life. That gave me my wonderful kids and husband. The one that’s held me all my life. Because I didn’t want to look fake. 

Well now you know it’s not fake, God love is as real as that book. And I’m gonna read it color it memorize it rejoice in it until I renew my mind. 

And if I share of Facebook please know its for you. Not to impress you at all! Its a seed planted with some hope that it will reach some soil that needs it and be encouraging. To them maybe even you! 

#god #growing #grace 

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Lessons in God from a toddler 

​I didn’t get baptized until I was 28: so noticing God’s goodness is new in my life!

(Not church— God) 

* I’m a middle-aged adult toddler hungry for the word of God

I keep thinking he’s going to leave me 

No matter how much I read my Bible I can’t find it…. 

You know the part where it says what I will do to make him leave

like everyone  has before 

I keep thinking it’s all going to go away that’s he’s gonna stop taking care of me when I make him mad. 

That’s the thing about God’s love I dont think I can mess it up, (as gansta as I am lol) 

I worry because I know I’m going to fall,  

But now it’s like he catches me right before I land. 

“I never  had anyone love me quit the way you do,

You know everything I do 

And I’m still good enough for you! ”

(Approval from you, knowing my flaws has been the best thing that’s ever happened to me.)

HOPE ….

I believe they call it ???

Grace

Love

Forgive me father when I forget

Sometimes I tend to be greedy and a want everything my way. And I want it to be pleasent. Feel good and be fun.

When. I’m like this I’m forgetting what God has already given. The mistakes I’ve made and he’s shown so much mercy on me. And that’s not enough???

Woe to me!

The drainers of the well.

When I have enough. Yes it’s painful daily to hurt or miss certain things but just look at the blessing. What he has given th me I will be thankful for .

Forgive me father when I forget.

Friends


You are better off to ha e a friend than be all alone, because then you will get more enjoyment out of what you earn. If you fall your friends can help you. But if you fall without having a friend nearby you are really in trouble. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 cev

Everyone one needs a friend some one that will over look our inner beast. Everyone needs a should sister or kindred spirit.

Dear God,

thank you for the friendship in my life. They are such an encouragment.

Amen